A beginner's guide to threesomes

A bit of One-on-one man-on-man action is great, but add a few more bodies into the mix and things can get really interesting.

If you’re a bit curious about some group sex, or a gang-bang or a gang-fuck or whatever you want to call it, a good entry point into the group sex experience is a threesome.

Here’s a beginner’s guide.

Initiating a Threesome

What is the best way to initiate a conversation about a threesome?

In approaching any kind of new sexual practice or experience, consent, good communication and expressing your wishes clearly are all key.

Sex between two people can involve a lot of feelings and emotions, the more people you add, then the more complicated it can get.

There’s a couple basic threesome scenarios:

You’re part of a couple and one of you suggests inviting someone to join you.
A couple invites you to come over for some fun.
You’re hooking up with a guy and he suggests inviting a friend to join the fun.

In each of those scenarios, it’s important to give the other party space to consider their response. You also need to respect the feelings of the other people involved. If you’re suggesting a threesome, and you’re getting a lukewarm response, don’t force the issue – everyone needs to be on board.

What is the best way to find a third or a couple to join for a threesome – look online, at parties, or wait for it to happen organically?

Before you start your search, you need to be clear in your own mind exactly what you’re looking for.

In terms of arranging a threesome, or finding guys who fit the brief of what you’re looking for, dating apps are probably the most effective and efficient strategy.

Dating or hook-up apps are a low-risk approach – everything can be discussed in advance, and you can discontinue discussions with anyone who isn’t on the same page.

Sex parties, bathhouses, saunas, and sex-on-premises venues are another solid option. The slight challenge with sex-on-premises venues is that you might end up with more people involved than you’d initially anticipated.

From an emotional standpoint, things tend to get most complicated when a threesome happens organically. For example, if you’re friends with a couple, you have a few drinks, and you all end up in bed together. You’re probably all acting on some underlying attraction and connection, so it can be harder to know what the boundaries are in terms of your threesome fun.

If you’re in a couple and decide that you’d like to try a threesome, hiring a sex-worker is a really sensible approach. An experienced sex-worker will ensure that everyone feels comfortable and that everyone is having a good time. Once the job is done, there’s no emotional complexity to navigate.

What happens if you want to try a threesome but your partner doesn’t seem so keen?

It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more interested in the idea of a threesome than the other, but effective communication is essential when you’re engaging with this topic.

If you and your partner haven’t had a threesome before but you’d like to put it on the table, try and make some dedicated time so you can talk about it properly. It doesn’t have to be a house meeting, but make sure you’re both in the right head-space to talk about your physical and emotional needs as individuals and as a couple. If this isn’t something that you feel equipped to do, consider using the services of a counsellor or therapist to help you both articulate your sexual needs.

If you’re both on the same page, and you’ve both agreed that a threesome is something that you’d like to explore, start talking about the details. As a couple, this is part of the fun – talk about how it would work, what sort of guy you’d both be into, what you want to do, what you want each other to do, what you want to feel, and what the boundaries are.

How do you ensure that everyone is having a good threesome experience?

A good threesome requires that everyone is paying attention to everyone else. Regularly check in with each other – verbal communication is really important to ensure that everyone is feeling part of the action and is having a good time.

Not everyone has to be doing the same thing, but you want to ensure that everyone is getting their needs met – that they’re getting what they wanted out of the threesome.

Try and take your time – take breaks, stay hydrated, communicate.

How to make sure that you’re invited back for another threesome

If you’ve hooked up with a couple for a threesome, you’re generally referred to as the “third” – you’re the extra guy that’s not part of the couple.

In many ways, you get all the fun without any of the complexity that comes from being in a relationship.

But how do you make sure that you make a good impression with the couple that you’ve had fun with? How do you make sure that you’re invited back for more?

Recognise that you’re the guest. Don’t invite them to your place – go to theirs for the hook-up. You’re on their territory, physically and emotionally.
Make sure that you’re into both of your hosts. If you’re into one half of the couple but not so much the other, then that’s not going to make for a good threesome. If they only come as a package deal, then you need to be into the entire package.
Find out what they’re looking for. Do they want to fuck you? Do they want you to fuck them? Does one want to just watch? The more you know about the dynamics that will rock their world, the easier it is to deliver on those expectations.
Know your boundaries. Be clear with yourself what you’re prepared to do and what you’re not prepared to do. Just because there’s two of them doesn’t mean they get to dictate your boundaries.