In the interests of investigative journalism, I’ve been road-testing gay erotic massages. People need to know.

I accept that this research may not put me in the running for the Pulitzer Prize, it’s clearly a subject I need to go deeper on, but here’s what I’ve found out so far.

What is a gay erotic massage?

While it might seem fairly obvious, a gay erotic massage can take a variety of different forms and be described in a range of different ways.

The basic concept is that this is male-to-male massage. Usually, both the client and the masseur are naked although it’s not essential for the masseur to be naked.

How it differs from a ‘normal’ massage is that a gay erotic massage will be more sensual. The masseur will be working over every inch of your body – if that’s what you want.

A gay erotic massage will generally come with the option of a ‘happy ending’ – that means that the masseur will stimulate you to hardness and help you to get off.

What are the different names for a gay erotic massage?

Masseurs who offer this service won’t all be comfortable putting Gay Erotic Massage on an ad. Descriptions that will give you an indication of what’s on offer could include sensual massage, stimulating massage, body-work, tantric massage, lingam massage, or Lomi Lomi massage.

Lingam massage is a trantric technique – drawing inspiration from the tantra mediation traditions. A lingam massage focuses on the penis but also involves a lot of attention to your balls, your perineum – your taint – and your prostate.

Lomi Lomi – or lomilomi – refers to a Hawaiian massage technique. It’s sometimes known as the ‘loving hands’ technique. Traditionally, this technique isn’t about delivering a happy ending, but that’s sometimes how it’s presented in the context of a gay erotic massage.

Is it legal to get a gay erotic massage?

It depends where you are in the world, so it’s important to be aware of any local laws that might apply to sex-work and sexual encounters between men.

In some places, a gay erotic massage will be seen as a form of prostitution, in other places it won’t. It might also depend on where you’re getting the erotic massage and who’s giving it to you. It’s complicated.

That’s often why advertisements for massage services might be a bit obscure or discrete – you’ve got to make sure that you’re complying with the relevant laws.

Is it legal to get a gay erotic massage in the UK?

The short answer is yes.

The UK legal system can get a bit complicated, but in England and Wales the relevant laws are the Policing and Crime Act (2009) and the Sexual Offences Act (2003).

Effectively, exchanging or participating in sexual activities for money or other goods is legal. Assuming that everyone involved is above the age of consent and is freely consenting to what’s happening, you’re good to go.

If someone is advertising gay erotic massage services, and you pay them for that service, neither of you are breaking any laws in the UK.

Is a gay erotic massage the same as booking a sex-worker?

It’s similar but different. Your masseur may or may not describe themselves as a sex-worker, that’s up to them.

As a general rule, an erotic gay massage is a sensual massage service. It’s a highly pleasurable form of intimacy, it can be arousing, you might have a happy ending, but you’re not having sex with the masseur.

If you want a sexual encounter with someone that involves specific sexual acts – such as oral sex or anal sex – then you should book a sex-worker.

How do you book a gay erotic massage?

A search of the internet will generally give you listings of guys in your area who are offering erotic massage services. Dating apps sometimes have listings for massage services – Gaydar has a Commercial Members section where masseurs, sex-workers, and escorts can list their services.

It’s great if you can get a recommendation from someone you know. If that’s not possible, what you’re looking for someone who has some massage training and who can offer you a professional, but intimate service. Anyone can rub some oil on you while they jack you off, but getting the added benefit of a skilled masseur really makes this a memorably erotic experience.

Guys who are serious about the erotic massages that they’re providing will probably have a website or a fairly detailed profile that sets out what you’ll get and what they’re prepared to do. If it’s not clear, message them and ask. The more upfront you can be about what you’re looking for or what you’re not sure about, the easier it is for the masseur to deliver you an experience that ticks your boxes.

Prices will vary, depending on the skills of the masseur and the length of the session. Make sure that the price is agreed up-front.

Are there any ‘boundaries’ when it comes to a gay erotic massage?

During the booking stage, there’s likely to be a fairly clear discussion about what the masseur will do and won’t do. But even when you get to the session, nothing is going to happen unless you want it to.

At crucial points, you can expect your masseur to check to make sure that you’re comfortable, that you’re enjoying what they’re doing, whether you want more or less or something different.

Some masseurs will be open to mutual touching, some might not be. It’s best to be up-front about this at the beginning of the session.

The masseur is there to provide you with pleasure. Don’t be disappointed if the masseur doesn’t get hard. Don’t expect the masseur to cum – that’s not part of the deal.

If you’re a guy who is exploring his sexuality, or just a bit curious about what it’s like to get naked with another guy, then an erotic massage is a fairly low-risk introduction to what can happen between men.

Is there always a happy ending at a gay erotic massage?

It’s a pretty safe assumption that a happy ending is on the menu if that’s what you want.

The guy giving you the massage is going to be pretty skilled in getting you hard and getting you off – just put yourself in their hands and enjoy the sensations of your body.

You don’t have to cum – sometimes it’s just nice to be edged and leave the session on a bit of a sexually-charged high. Don’t put yourself under any pressure that a happy ending has to involve you blowing your load.

Also, don’t be embarrassed. If the masseur is trying his best but your body has decided that it’s not going to happen, just let the masseur know that there’s no pressure to get to the finish line.

If I’m in a relationship, is it cheating if I get an erotic massage?

Everyone’s relationship is different, so the answer to this question really depends on what the rules of your relationship are.

If you’re not sure what the rules of your relationship are, then that’s where you need to start. Have that conversation with your partner.

In general, the most stable relationships have a strong foundation of trust and honesty. If you don’t want to tell your partner that you’ve had an erotic massage or that you’re interested in having one, then you probably need to figure out why that information could be problematic for your relationship.

It’s okay to want to explore your sexuality on your own, without your partner, as long as you’re both okay with that and no one is getting hurt.

A good starting point is to suggest that you book an erotic massage for your partner – their reaction to that suggestion will be a pretty good indicator of where you stand and what your next steps need to be.

I road-tested some gay erotic massage services

Marcello

I found Marcello by searching online. He had a very professional website. I emailed him and he communicated promptly and efficiently – we soon had an appointment confirmed.

I went to his apartment for the massage – it was a really nice apartment.

I lay on his bed while he massaged me. Marcello was a small guy – really fit and lean. He sort of climbed on top of me and used every part of his body to massage me.

I really enjoyed the whole experience. He wasn’t much of a talker, and I was probably talking too much – I was a bit nervous.

Ross

I found Ross by searching online. His website was fairly simple but had all the information necessary. I emailed him and it was easy to arrange and confirm an appointment.

I went to his apartment for the massage. It was comfortable.

Ross had me on a massage table, so it felt a bit like a ‘normal’ massage, but there was plenty of body contact. Ross used his mouth on me, which I hadn’t been expecting but totally enjoyed.

Ross was easy to talk with and made me feel comfortable. Overall, a good experience.

David

I booked a massage through the Covent Garden Health Spa – which is a gay bathhouse in London – and David was the masseur on duty.

This was a good experience, but not particularly erotic.

I was naked, he wasn’t. There was plenty of oil and enthusiasm – it was a bit like being rubbed down by a football coach – but no genital stimulation.

I didn’t ask about a happy ending, and it wasn’t offered. There is some complications with the laws in England that you can’t run a commercial massage parlour that offers sexual services, so it might be the official policy of the bathhouse that they don’t provide happy endings. I wasn’t disappointed by any of that, but they should probably make that clear up-front to avoid any confusion.

What I liked about this experience was that it was within the context of spending time in a bathhouse. After the massage, you’ve got full use of the facilities, so it puts you in a good head-space for being relaxed and open to possibilities.

Alex

Alex was listed on Gaydar as a Commercial Member – his profile outlines the gay erotic massage services he provides.

After a few messages back and forth, we eventually switched to WhatsApp to get an appointment booked in.

I went to his apartment for the massage. It was a really nice apartment.

Alex had a dedicated massage room, with a professional massage table set up and ready to go.

We were talking a lot, but I really liked that. Alex instantly had such a great energy that I felt relaxed and comfortable. His massage technique was excellent.

Added bonus was that he was super-sexy. If I was ever going to get naked and have warm oil rubbed all over me, then it’s a guy like Alex that I want doing it.

I’m planning more massages with Alex. I want repeat business with Al.

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