Butt sex for beginners
Depending on where and when you went to school, your sex education classes may not have been that comprehensive. There’s every chance that your Sex Ed classes didn’t tackle gay sex at all.
Here’s some of the things that we wish had been covered in Sex Ed classes at our school.
- Lube. It’s pretty essential for fucking and can also be good fun for general play. Especially when you’re starting out, you want everything as wet and as slippery as possible.
- Mess. Sex generally involves some ass play and often includes fucking. It’s inevitable that you’re going to encounter some messy situations from time-to-time. Deal with it, don’t make a drama out of it. Take a break, get cleaned up, and get back to business.
- Feelings. You don’t have to have a deep emotional attachment with everyone that you have sex with. If you realise that you really like someone, that’s okay — don’t try and bury your emotions.
- Versatility. Deciding that you’re exclusively a top or exclusively a bottom is a bit dumb. Sure, you might have a preference. You might feel a bit more confident in one position or another. But you should be aiming to be versatile. The more that you can experience, the more you’ll understand about how to give pleasure.
- Cum. Semen is cool. Have some fun with it.
- Porn. Porn is great to get you all juiced up or to give you some inspiration. Don’t measure your sexual encounters against the porn that you watch. Porn isn’t real life. You’re probably not watching too much porn, but if you think that you might be then take some steps to change how you navigate porn and sex.
- Explore. Don’t get stuck in the kind of sex that you have. Try new things. Be adventurous.
- Size. Don’t worry about what size or shape your cock is. Everyone is different.
- STIs. Get tested regularly. Early detection of any STIs makes it easier to treat and prevents you from passing anything on to someone else.
- Relax. Take your time with sex. It’s not a race. It’s not always possible to pace things so that you both cum at about the same time — but it’s amazing when you can.
- Friends. You don’t have to have sex with every guy that you meet — friends are just as important as fuck-buddies. You can still be friends with someone after you’ve had sex.
- Hard. Your cock is an amazing part of the body. If you don’t get hard for some reason, don’t stress about it. It happens sometimes, there’s lots of factors that could be at play. If it’s an ongoing issue, there’s lots of help and options out there that you can explore. Don’t be too embarrassed to search for solutions.
- Noise. If you’re not making porn then you don’t have to make porn noises or dodgy dialogue while you’re having sex. But being totally silent is a bit weird — if you’re enjoying yourself then it’s good to vocalise that.
- Education. Stay up-to-date with the latest health developments. It’s important that you understand what’s happening with STIs, including HIV. Do you know about U=U? Do you know about PrEP? Make sure that you’ve got the information you need.
- Oral. Oral sex is great. Be enthusiastic about sucking cock.
- Articulate. Let your sex partners know what you like and what you don’t like. It will save a lot of time and gets you to the good stuff quicker.
- Kinks. Fetish play can be a lot of fun to explore. Don’t be embarrassed by anything that you’re into. Try some role-play to push your boundaries.
- Shame. There’s no such thing as having too much sex or not enough sex. Have the sex that’s right for you. Calling someone a slut or a prude just makes you look dumb.
- Consent. It’s totally okay to say no. If someone says no to you, then you have to respect that. Sober sex is good — if there’s drugs or alcohol involved then you might not be clear about what you have consented and what you haven’t.
- Competition. No one cares how many people you’ve had sex with. Focus on having great sex with the guy that you’re with.
- Foreplay. It’s not an optional extra. Put the effort in. Make it count.
- Kissing. Make sure that you’re a really good kisser. Clean teeth and fresh breath is sexy.
- Adventure. It’s not easy to have sex in a car, but it’s generally worth the effort. If you’re in a hot-tub or a pool, it’s generally better to get out of the water to have sex. Sex outdoors or somewhere where you might get caught is awesome. Being able to look in a mirror and watch yourself having sex is hot.
- Filming. Filming yourself having sex can be a lot of fun. Make sure that everyone involved is okay with being filmed. Make sure that everyone involved knows what will happen to the footage and that they’re okay with that.
- Connection. Eye-contact during sex is super-hot. Don’t be too gentle with each other, sex is a physical, full-contact sport.
- Relationships. It’s hard to maintain the excitement of sex in a long-term relationship. It takes work and effort, but it’s worth it.
- Labels. Don’t close yourself off to potential opportunities just because you think you’re only attracted to certain types of guys. Everyone has got something to offer. Be open to new things.
- Clubs. Parties and clubs and bathhouses can call be great fun. Know what your limits are. Sometimes it’s good to go with friends or a fuck-buddy, sometimes it’s good to go by yourself.
- Pubes. What your pubes look like is up to you. A bit of a trim is generally sensible to keep things neat and tidy, but it’s not essential.
- Body. Everyone has things about their body that they wish that they could change or improve. Don’t stress about it. If you’re at the point where you’re getting naked and getting it on, then you have nothing to worry about.
- Performance. Sexual encounters don’t always deliver great sex. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s him, maybe it’s just an off night. It’s not big deal.
- Cruising. Practice your in-person, face-to-face cruising skills. Eye-contact says everything.
- Etiquette. Honesty is the best policy. If you want him to leave once you’ve had sex then it’s okay to ask him to go. If you want him to stay after you’ve had sex, it’s okay to ask him to stay. If he doesn’t want to stay, that’s okay — don’t take it personally, he may just have things to do.
Got any lube?
One of the most important requirements for really enjoying anal sex is lube. Especially when you’re starting out, you’re going to want plenty of it. There’s really no such thing as too much lube — when you’re getting the hang of being fucked, you want your ass as wet and slippery as possible.
Lots of lube makes fucking cleaner, safer, and more fun for everyone involved.
There’s lots of different lube products on the market. You can buy them from numerous online retailers, or your local adult store will have a range you can choose from.
Essentially, there are two different types of lube — water-based lube or silicone-based lube.
For many years, there’s been a strong focus on water-based lube. When condoms were our main way of preventing the transmission of HIV, it was important to use water-based lube because it wouldn’t damage condoms. Condoms are made of latex and could be damaged by silicone-based lube. With PrEP and U=U we now have more opportunities for sex without condoms, but water-based lube continues to be a popular choice. One of the great things about water-based lube is that it’s easy to clean up — it easily rinses off your body and won’t stain your clothes or sheets. Water-based lube doesn’t last as long as silicone-based lube, so you’ll need to use more and apply it pretty regularly.
Silicone-based lube is smooth, long-lasting, and less likely to feel sticky or tacky during use. Since this lube doesn’t absorb into the body, a little goes a long way, and it works in the shower, bathtub, pool, or hot tub. Silicone-based lube generally doesn’t mix well with silicone-based sex toys, so if you’re using toys you should probably opt for a water-based lube. You’ll need some soap or detergent to help clean up silicone-based lube.
Once the clothes come off and it’s game-time, if you’re the one getting fucked then you want to make sure that you’re applying plenty of lube to his hard cock but also ensuring that you’re applying plenty of lube to your ass. Use your fingers to smear lots of lube around and in your ass. Fuck yourself with your fingers to make sure that you’re ready to progress to the real thing. If your guy knows what he’s doing then he’s going to be keen to help with your pre-work to make sure that you’re both ready for action.
Once things are underway, don’t hesitate to add more lube to the mix. Any time that you’re shifting positions, taking a break, or grabbing some water, reapply some more lube to his cock — keep everything sliding smoothly and friction free.
How do you meet guys online?
Whatever stage of the dating game that you’re at, one of the main ways to connect with other guys is to put the technology to work.
But how does online dating actually work?
One of the most efficient methods for connecting with other guys online is to put the technology to work and set up a profile on a dating app.
Here’s a few things to think about when setting up your dating app profile and getting started with using it to connect with guys.
Your profile photo – first impressions count
If you’re going to have any joy with dating and hook-up apps, you’re going to need to think about photos.
The starting point is your profile photo. While some parts of the world are understandably a bit more cautious, most guys will show their face in their profile photo on a dating app. You don’t have to do that, but you’re less likely to meet guys that you’re into if you don’t. Take your lead from what everyone else is doing in your area.
Your profile photo is the first impression that guys on the apps are going to get of you. It should accurately represent you, but you also want to be putting your best foot forward. Make sure you’re bringing your A-game and some decent lighting to your profile photo.
Your bio fields – what do you want guys to know about you?
Make sure you complete as many of the bio fields as you can. Be honest and authentic with the information that you include, but there’s no need to write an essay.
It’s okay to positively describe the kind of guys that you’re into, but don’t be offensive. Don’t be racist. Don’t body-shame. Don’t femme-shame.
Try and let a bit of your personality show through, but there’s no need to overdo it. If you’re not sure what to write, check out a few of the profiles on the app that catch your eye and see if the style that other guys have used for their bio might work for you.
On the app, you can set some search fields so that you’re able to focus on the kind of guys that you’re looking for and the ones that are close by.
Next steps – time to be proactive
Once you’ve got your dating app profile set up and ready to go, don’t sit back and wait for guys to contact you.
No matter how good your profile photo and bio is, there’s lots of reasons why you may not be appearing in the search results of the guys that you’re into. Be proactive.
Scroll through the guys in your area and send a quick message to anyone that you’d be interested in seeing more of.
Lots of guys will send a first message of something like “Hey”. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s totally acceptable – it’s a low-risk way of seeing if someone is online and encouraging them to look at your profile. If they don’t respond, take the hint and move on.
If they do respond, look for ways to engage them in a bit of banter. Compliment them on something in their profile photo, or ask them a question about something in their bio, or something that you think they might be interested in.
Keep your tone light, upbeat, and fun. Be a bit cheeky. A bit sexy is good, but don’t be sleazy. You’re looking to build rapport, to see if there’s enough of a connection between you to start thinking about the logistics of meeting up.
What are you looking for?
This is a question you’re probably going to get asked a lot, and it’s a good idea to ask yourself this ice-breaker before you even open the app.
Some days you might be looking for a quick hook-up, while others you might be more interested in meeting someone for a proper date, or the prospect of a longer-lasting relationship.
Knowing what you’re looking for will influence and shape the interactions that you have with other guys.
It’s always best to be upfront and honest when someone asks you what you’re looking for. If you just need a Mr-Right-Now, there’s no need to be coy about it. Giving a guy mixed signals or inaccurate intentions will only lead to confusion and misunderstandings later on.
Dating apps like Gaydar have a feature where you can upload additional photos to your profile, and you can keep these private or public. Additionally, when you start chatting with a guy on the app, they’re inevitably going to ask you to send some photos.
There’s two main reasons why guys will ask you to send photos. Firstly, it’s a way of checking that you are who you say you are. If you can’t send photos that confirm that you’re the guy in the profile pic, then that’s going to raise some red flags. Secondly, guys are going to ask you to send pics because they want to see you naked.
Should I send naked pics?
You’re under no obligation to send anyone naked photos of yourself. If someone is pressuring you to do that, and it’s making you feel uncomfortable or uncertain, then it’s probably best to end the conversation.
Whatever platform you’re using, once you send someone naked photos, it’s impossible to control what happens to them. It’s fairly common for private photos that you’ve sent as part of a hook-up conversation to somehow end up on the internet.
In some professions, having naked photos in the public domain – photos that could be seen as embarrassing or compromising – could negatively impact your career. It’s best to proceed with caution.
The reality is that when it comes to connecting with other guys, some level of naked photos will generally be required in order for you to seal the deal. One way to handle it is to send separate face and body shots – that way, if the photos go public then your naked photos aren’t as easily connected back to you.
What are the rules of sexting?
Sexting is just a combination of sex + texting, or sexy texting. It’s totally up to you how you go about it.
Some flirty or filthy texting or chat is a great way to get to know each other and to build up the anticipation of what’s going to go down when you get together.
The crucial thing for sexting is that you both need to be on the same page. There’s no point in you sending sexy messages to someone if they’re not responding with the same kind of energy.
If you’re chatting with a guy on a dating app, your first few messages will generally give you a sense of how flirty or filthy things are going to get.
If things seems to be going well, and you want to turn the heat up a bit, be proactive. Make the suggestion or make it clear that you’re opening the door to take things further.
A good starting point is to ask him what type of porn that he’s into – that encourages a frank discussion about sex and allows you to discuss some fantasies that you might share.
Another option is to ask him to tell you about his fantasies, or his hottest real-life experiences. Be prepared to match his descriptions with the same level of detail. This is not a time to be coy, but also you don’t want to go too extreme unless it’s clear that you’re both in the same head-space.
If you’re in the middle of a sexting exchange and he’s slow to respond or stops replying to your messages, don’t take it personally. Maybe he’s not alone or maybe he’s not somewhere where sexting is appropriate, or maybe he’s not as into the conversation as you first thought. Move on and shift your attention to someone else. Remember, there’s plenty of horned-up guys out there who are looking for ways to blow off steam.
Put your Gaydar to work
Here at Means Happy, we’re proud to be part of the Gaydar family. Gaydar are online dating specialists for guys that are into guys. It’s free to set up your account, and it’s easy to do.
It’s time to put the technology to work.