ManCrush: Jaxton Wheeler
It’s been a turbulent few years for Jaxton Wheeler. At the end of 2017, Jaxton was effectively blacklisted from the adult entertainment industry after he was widely criticised for a tweet he sent to a fellow performer shortly before she took her own life.
After that, he kind of disappeared from view for a while, going dark on his socials.
We last spoke with Jaxton in February of 2020. At the time, he told us about his plans to focus on building a BDSM community.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is a short-hand acronym that refers to a wide spectrum of fetish fantasies. Bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism are all sexual kinks – the experience of which can range from the vanilla to the extreme.
There’s a lot more to a BDSM encounter than just fucking in a harness.
At the height of his career, Jaxton Wheeler was known as the Dom Daddy of the gay porn world. We caught up with him to talk BDSM.
Would you say that Hollywood’s representation of BDSM and the Dom/Sub relationship is an accurate one?
It’s not accurate in the slightest. Sex sells and this is what Hollywood is focusing on and you can’t blame them, they’ve got to make money out of what they do. Domination and submission extends far beyond sex. As much as I love fucking in a harness, that’s only a small part of the Dom/Sub relationship.
When you think about it, domination and submission is the cornerstone of how our society works. There is inherent subordination in the workplace – you’re there to work and our entire history is just one long saga of one society dominating another. Some people lead in this world and some just follow. It’s just how the world works.
One misconception about domination is that people think it’s an inherently bad thing – forcing your power over another – but that’s not always the case.
Domination as a concept isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s all about your perception of it. Of course, there are certain cases where domination is bad. One country oppressing the people of another, is a case in point. If you look at how relationships work between people, you’ll see that domination isn’t always damaging. Your teachers when you were at school dominated you, teaching you and helping to shape you as a person. They were the leaders and you followed. A true Dom/Sub relationship, is based on this very concept of bettering one’s subordinate. How can that be viewed as a bad thing? It’s about growth and development.
My job as a Dom is to better the life of my Sub, helping them grow as a person and to make better choices in life. This ethos is the driving force behind my Dom Gang project. No attachment to sex or porn but to build a network of individuals that are there to lead and better the lives of others. To have leaders within the LGBTQ community that help their subordinates lead healthier lives, make better choices and be more grounded and comfortable in their own bodies. Kind of like a trust network, that people can rely on.
Do you think there is a current gap within the LGBTQ community, in which people need this leadership?
There is definitely a need for a guiding force within the LGBTQ community. We’re not a nation, we have no president and we have no government. We are people living within societies, that often don’t fully accept us. There are Pride events around the world but these events are a long cry from what they were originally intended to do. The first Pride events were riots, in which the LGBTQ community stood up and said that they’d had enough of the discrimination.
Nowadays, we put so much emphasis onto the sexual aspect of our sexuality that we’ve lost sight of this. Tell me the last Pride event you went to that wasn’t just one big party? People travel to Pride events all over the globe, not to show their Pride but to get laid.
This toxic masculinity that is so prevalent in our community is one of the many reasons we need leadership. So many people feel that if they’re not wanted sexually then they’re not wanted at all. This is a misconception that needs to change! People need to find love for themselves and stop focusing on insecurities that are based on a made up sexual food-chain. We need to remember that although our sexuality is part of us. It doesn’t define us! While I have a platform to do so, I’m going to do everything I can to change this and to help our community evolve.
You spoke about the Dom Gang Project involving Doms supporting their Subs lead better and healthier lives. How exactly do they support this change?
I think it boils down to three main areas – personal development, life coaching, and personal training. None of which are to do with sex.
When Subs are paired with their Doms, the Dom will take time to learn about their Subs and find out what truly makes them tick. Once this understanding has been established, the Dom can start to implement changes to better the life of their Sub. Whether this is through physical changes and actions or cognitive and behavioural changes. The goal for this relationship is to isolate the factors that need to change and for the Sub to meet the goals in life they want to achieve. Many Subs aren’t inherently submissive personalities but they are lacking guidance. This is what the Dom Project is designed to do, to be a positive influence and offer guidance to the LGBTQ community.
With this goal in mind, our Leaders will be evaluated on the following questions. Are they going to have a positive impact to their Subs? Can they stand independently, making informed and healthy choices in their lives? Will they recognise what others need and want out of life? Most importantly, will they be humble and never judge on face value alone? They need to have a desire to help others and not perpetuate the toxic masculinity within our community. Our community needs role models, not another Instagram poster-boy.
I’m striving for this to be a family-like network and a positive and safe community. This is all about creating a more positive future for our community.