Making the most of masturbation me-time

It may not be a national holiday, but it probably should be. That’s right, International Masturbation Day is a thing, and we’re putting in daily practice to ensure that we’re always ready to celebrate.

Some people declare the entire month of May as a month of masturbation, but if you’re a purist you’ll know that 28 May is the day that we celebrate International Masturbation Day.

This is the kind of important occasion that can be celebrated as a couple, with friends, with people you don’t know, or just by yourself.

But you don’t need to limit yourself. In a world of abundance, you can make every day a masturbation milestone worth celebrating.

Does masturbation boost your immune system?

We’re still doing a lot of research on this subject, but there are some indications that regularly masturbating could have some benefits in boosting your immune system. Good news, right?

Sure, washing your hands is still important, but it seems clear that a lot of our problems could be solved with more masturbation.

Who said science wasn’t sexy?

How does masturbation boost your immune system?

Masturbation undoubtedly gets the blood pumping, but it also gets every part of your body fired up. Getting aroused, stimulating yourself through masturbation, and then reaching orgasm brings into play parts of your body that might otherwise be kicking back and taking a bit of a nap.

The roller-coaster of pleasure that you get from getting yourself off delivers a natural boost to your body’s cortisol levels – this helps to keep your immune system working effectively.

What other health benefits does masturbation have?

It’s not just your immune system that benefits from your regular masturbation sessions. There’s actually loads of reasons you that having a bit of quality me-time is good for your health.

Mental Health

Masturbation delivers your body a boost of endorphins through the bloodstream. These endorphins can help you to tackle depression and anxiety.

It’s also a great stress-relief strategy. If you’ve had a difficult day and finding it hard to switch off, find a quiet space and treat yourself to the ultimate relaxation technique.

Some studies have also shown that masturbation can help boost your self-esteem. The science behind that claim isn’t exactly clear, but if you’re relaxed, not feeling stressed, and you’re anxiety is under control, then it makes a fair bit of sense that you’re giving yourself the head-space to feel good about yourself.

Prostate Cancer

Masturbation stimulates your prostate gland – even if you’re not specifically targeting it with a toy or a dildo. If your prostate is active, you’re less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Blood Pressure

Embracing a bit of self-love has also been shown to help lower your blood pressure.

Honestly, it’s a total no-brainer. Schedule some regular me-time and you’ll be ready to take on the world.

Tips to make your bate sessions better

There’s not really any right or wrong way to masturbate – it’s important to find what works for you. But it never hurts to try new things and to explore ways to mix things up a bit and enhance your pleasure.

Here’s some tips you might want to consider.

Make some noise

One of the challenges of figuring out masturbation when we’re younger is that we’re often living at home and sharing a room. Because masturbation isn’t generally something that’s talked about, it’s something that we learn to do in secret, quickly, silently.

As we get older, we probably don’t need to be as quiet but it’s hard to unlearn those early behaviours.

Focus on trying to make some noise while you’re masturbating. It could just be talking to yourself, it could be breathing really loudly, it could be groaning and moaning, or just swearing lots. Try different stuff.

You might decide that you actually prefer it when you stay quiet, but adding some noise to your jack-off can be fun.

Involve every bit of your body

Again, a lot of this stems from how we learn to masturbate when we’re younger. We tend to be fairly dick-focused. Hand on hard cock, rub one out, job done.

Don’t forget that you’ve got lots of erogenous zones, and the more of them you can stimulate during your bate session then the wilder the ride.

Your nipples are an obvious starting point. Your butt is also highly sensitive. Take your time, explore your body. Maximise your pleasure.

Take it to the edge

Edging is where you take your pleasure levels almost to the point of orgasm but then you ease off and allow your body to step back from the brink.

This is the ideal thing to do if you’ve got a bit of time on your hands. You’ll not only give yourself greater pleasure over an extended period of time, but when you do eventually allow yourself to cum, it will be explosive.

Get the toys out

An old-school jack-off is you, your fist, and maybe some lubrication. That works, but there’s a huge range of toys out there to help add some spice to your bate session. Entry-level, there’s vibrators and fleshjacks and butt-plugs, but literally there’s a whole world of self-pleasure toys out there to be explored and enjoyed.

Prostate power

Get to know your prostate. Figure out where it is in your body, and then try different ways of stimulating it. Focusing on your prostate can really unlock a lot of pleasure. You want to cum? Smash your prostate a couple of times and it’s job done.

Make the time

Block out some time in your diary. Clear your schedule. Get comfortable and allow yourself to really make the most of some quality me-time. A long, leisurely wank will hit totally different to quickly rubbing one out in the shower at the gym.

Break the routines

This is sometimes referred to pattern-based behaviour. Has your masturbation fallen into some sort of routine? Think about when and how you masturbate – is it pretty much always the same?

Allow yourself to break some of those patterns. Maybe it’s masturbating at a different time of day, or maybe it’s mixing it up in some other way. If you always masturbate in the same way, it’s going to be fairly predictable. Still enjoyable, but predictable. Give your body some surprises, keep your body guessing, allow yourself to experience pleasure in new ways.

Poppers

Not everyone enjoys poppers, but they can be a way of giving yourself a bit of a head-rush and really feel the waves of pleasure that an extended bate and edging session can deliver. Worth experimenting with.

Broaden your mind

The way that we’ve generally learned how to masturbate can make it quite a functional process. We’re horny, we jack-off, we cum – job done. Most of us turn to porn to help us get into the horny head-space that we’re familiar with.

Put some research into the world of sex, sexuality, and eroticism. Explore erotic art. Dive into the world of Tantra. Experiment with a bit of kink. Don’t limit yourself with what you know – open yourself to pleasure from every direction.

The language of masturbation

That’s lots of words, phrases, and euphemisms to describe the act of masturbation. Jack-off, jerk-off, wank, and bate are probably the most common, but here’s a list of some of the terms that have caught our eye.

Beat your meat
Yank your plank
Practice your wrist aerobics
Tame your dragon
Work-up a foamy lather
Ice the cake
Jack the beanstalk
Wrestle your demon
Whittle your stick
Whip the cream
Whack your weasel
Splatter your shower
Polish your helmet
Varnish your flagpole
Toss your yogurt
Tickle your pickle
Tend to your own affairs
Tame the shrew
Wax your paddle
Grease your pole
Take matters into your own hands
Strain the main vein
Stir the batter
Take some practice shots
Stew in your own juices
Fly solo
Shoot for the moon
Scratch the itch
Stir the secret sauce
Relish your hot-dog
Pull your own weight
Prime the pump
Star in a one-man show
Spread your mayo
Play five-on-one
Paint the ceiling
Open the flood gates
Make instant pudding
Liquidate the inventory
Let the cat out of the bag
Free willy
Have it your way
Clear your snorkel
Charm the snake
Blow your own horn
Adjust the antenna
Release the tadpoles
Shake hands with your best friend
Whack your willy
Pull your plonker
Toss your caber
Stroke your sausage
Spank the monkey
Choke the chicken
Pull a muscle
Five knuckle shuffle
Whack one off
Jerking the gherkin
Blowing your trombone
Busting your nuts
Knock one out
Beating your bishop
Wax the carrot
Rub one out
Jack the hammer
Polish the candlestick
Waxing the dolphin
Making cock snot

How do you talk about masturbation? Which words do you use? Which is your favourite phrase? Slide into our DMs and give us a mouthful.

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