Queer dating 1.01 – The do’s and don’ts of hook-ups
One of the great things about using a dating app like Gaydar is that it automatically creates opportunities for you to connect with like-minded people who are probably interested in the same kind of stuff that you are.
Creating a Gaydar profile immediately means that your options for romance or just a bit of fun have been exponentially expanded.
But the world of casual sex – and dating in general – can be a bit of an emotional mine-field.
Let’s take a look at some of the do’s and don’ts of hook-ups.
You’ve seen someone you like and you want to get their attention
- Look for opportunities to talk to them.
- See if they appear on your Gaydar grid, or whatever dating apps you’re using.
- Stalk their social media.
- Fade into the background and wait for them to notice you.
You’ve had a date with someone and you’re interested in taking it further
- Let them know – send them a message or make contact to suggest a second date.
- Respect their wishes if they’ve made it clear that they’re not that keen.
- Assume that you know what the other person is thinking.
- Hassle them. If they’re not returning your messages, then it’s probably time to stop messaging them.
You’ve had a date with someone and you’re not interested in taking it further
- Let them know in a polite and respectful way.
- Ghost them.
- Feel pressured into seeing them again because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
You’ve had sex with someone and you’d like to see them again
- Let them know – be proactive and make it clear that you had a good time.
- Be prepared that it could have been a one-off kind of thing. Not all sexual encounters lead to something more.
- Sit around waiting for their call. If you’re not sure where things stand between you, take some action to get clarity.
- Pressure them into anything. If you’re keen for sex but they’re not, it’s time to move on.
You’ve had sex with someone and you don’t want to see them again
- Be honest and up-front. It’s okay to tell someone that there’s not going to be any repeat business. Be polite, not cruel.
- Try and avoid them – it’s one of the laws of physics that it’s inevitable that you run into people that you’d prefer not to.
- Feel any kind of obligation to have sex with someone just because you said yes last time. Who you have sex with is totally your call.
You’ve had an encounter with someone and it’s left you feeling upset, hurt, or unsafe
- Talk about it. Find a trusted friend or call a help-line. Articulate how you’re feeling and get some advice.
- If something has happened that you haven’t consented to, or if you’ve been assaulted in any way, it’s important to take the appropriate steps to report the incident. This helps you take control of the situation, but also helps to protect others.
- Try and ignore it. Bottling up your feelings and emotions is not the right way to deal with anything.
- Assume that you should have done something differently to avoid the situation. You have the right to assume that people you date or have sex with are going to treat you with respect.
- Feel powerless. Whatever it was that made you feel this way, you’re in charge of what happens next. Articulate your emotions, get advice, take action.