Means Happy

Top Menu

  • Contact us
  • Contribute
  • Contributor Terms & Conditions
  • Means Happy
  • Newsletter
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms & Conditions

Main Menu

  • Features
  • Culture
  • #TakeItOnline
  • Heroes
  • Sex & Love
  • How’s Your Gaydar?

logo

Means Happy

  • Features
  • Culture
  • #TakeItOnline
  • Heroes
  • Sex & Love
  • How’s Your Gaydar?
  • Goals: Ryan Carter and Digger

  • ManCrush: Colby Keller

  • ManCrush: Marc McAulay

  • ManCrush: Alessio Vega

  • ManCrush: Yoshi Kawasaki

Sex & Love
Home›Sex & Love›Why falling for a straight guy was the best and worst thing to happen to me

Why falling for a straight guy was the best and worst thing to happen to me

By Means Happy Newsdesk
November 13, 2023
16793
0
Share:

I need to learn how to get over him.

Since I was a teenager, I’ve been using straight men as a way to try to validate my sexuality. Being gay was okay as long as I didn’t look gay or sound gay or act gay. Being friends with straight men enabled me to pretend that I could pass as ‘straight enough’ – that my sexuality wouldn’t be seen as a liability.

I realised at a young age that I was gay. I ‘came out’ when I was young. To some people, that seemed to signify confidence. But I’d still managed to internalise a lot of hatred of my sexuality, a lot of hatred of myself, a lot of homophobia.

Over the years, there’s been a lot of men. A lot of men who said that they were straight. Some were straighter than others.

I was trapped in a cycle of giving my body to others to prove that someone, somewhere wanted me – even if it was just for one night. Some experiences were fun, some not. I’m still trying to process how ruthless men can be when they have zero regard for anyone but themselves.

So, how did it happen? How could I be so stupid to fall for a straight guy when I knew that its inevitable ending would break me? How can I say falling for him was the best thing to happen to me when it was so clearly one of the worst?

Because, the truth is, I would do it all over again. Because falling for him was heavenly.

It was the start of summer. His body was toned, his hair was long. I fell for everything about him – his weird sense of humour, his inward smirk, the lines that cut through his face when he laughed. I adored getting to know him – it felt more like a privilege than a bad idea. Loving him was like listening to a really good song – the more I memorised the lyrics, the deeper I got.

I convinced myself that this time was different. Every time I glanced and saw him looking at a woman, I tricked myself into thinking it was me that had caught his attention.

When we walked side-by-side, I wondered whether he was as aware of our closeness as much as I. If I wasn’t so afraid of losing him, I would have tried holding his hand and telling him that it fits so well.

Summer came to an end. As the nights drew shorter, there seemed to be fewer excuses to see him. It had also become apparent that his interest lay in a girl. My only option was self-sabotage.

I told him that I liked him while stood in the bathroom. It was someone else’s house. We were at a party. I needed the alcohol to loosen my tongue. He said he didn’t find me attractive. I cried. It was over. If I had kept my mouth shut, at least I would still have had hope. But, you know what they say about hope, it breeds eternal misery.

My desire for him is all-consuming. To him, it is unnatural and foreign. His body rejects me. Yet here I am, unashamedly and irrevocably addicted.

He apologises and tells me things I don’t want to hear.

“It’s tricky, isn’t it…” he shrugs.

We go back out to the party. I keep drinking.

The hardest thing came next – telling him that I needed space. As much as I valued our friendship, I needed time for this wound to scab. I needed him to become a scar in the same way that all the other men had. I wanted to still be able to see the mark that he’d made but no longer wince whenever I touched it.

But nothing healed. When he messaged me – drunk, sat in a bar in London – I immediately pictured myself there. Because I am forever waiting, my life on hold, just in case things change.

We could go to Italy, like he wanted. I could write – balcony doors open, white linen blowing in and out of the apartment. We’d play cards together and lay in the sun. He could practise his Italian. He could teach me to play the piano. He could tan his arms and his chest and his legs. He could hold me. He could fuck me. We could go to Italy. We could be together.

Months later, and I’m sat across from a date in a bar. I’m a thousand miles from home and the humidity is strong. My date is talking to me about his life. I nod and laugh when I think I should. I sip my vodka and diet coke.

We finish our drinks and my date – David? No, Michael? – asks me if I want to come back to his.

“Yes…” I reply. Of course I say yes.

I need to learn how to get over him.

This is a true-life story, submitted anonymously to Means Happy

How do you tell if a guy is gay?

How do you tell if a guy is queer? If he’s gay or bi or curious? If he’s potentially going to be interested in a bit of man-on-man action?

Being able to identify fellow queer guys is generally referred to as your Gaydar  – an intuitive way to ensure that if you approach a guy to start a conversation that it might lead to something more, that you can be fairly confident that he’s on the same team as you.

It also happens to be the name of one of the original online dating specialists for the LGBTQ community – Gaydar was established over 20 years ago and is still going strong.

What are some of the signals that your Gaydar should be picking up on?

Underwear

While most guys are now on board with wearing decent underwear, whatever their sexuality, there are still some brands that are a bit of a give-away – if a guy is wearing something like Nasty Pig then he’s sending a pretty clear signal of where he stands on the sexuality spectrum.

Manscaping

This is another test that used to be more helpful than perhaps it is now. If a guy had taken the trouble to ensure he was trimmed and plucked, and enhancing his assets from every angle, then it was pretty clear which market that he was seeking to appeal to. But it seems that the straight guys have also realised the benefits that a bit of manscaping can bring. It’s no longer just the queer guys that are keen to make their dick look bigger and their balls a bit more presentable.

Cultural references

This takes a bit more effort, but can be fairly revealing. How does he react when you mention Lady Gaga? Does he appreciate that your new coat is bang on trend? Is his smart-phone the latest model? Does he look interested when you start talking about sport? Does he order beer or a white wine spritzer? Does he fit any of the stereotypes or expected behaviours that we’ve constructed for ourselves?

The direct approach

If someone has caught your attention and you’re wondering if you should give them the benefit of your allure, the simplest and generally most reliable way to put your Gaydar to work is to just ask them – “Hey, are you into guys?” Avoid any confusion or uncertainty – get to the point, and get down to business.

Means Happy is proud to be a member of the Gaydar family

Comments

Previous Article

Admire every inch of London’s finest

Next Article

ManCrush: Ray Diesel

Share:

Means Happy Newsdesk

Related articles More from author

  • Sex & Love

    ManCrush: Wade Wolfgar

    November 6, 2023
    By Means Happy Newsdesk
  • Sex & Love

    Gay men versus condoms. Where are we at?

    August 9, 2023
    By Means Happy Newsdesk
  • Sex & Love

    Reading list: Issue #4 of Stripshow from Class Comics

    August 30, 2023
    By Gareth Johnson
  • Sex & Love

    ManCrush: John Rodriguez

    September 2, 2023
    By Means Happy Newsdesk
  • Sex & Love

    ManCrush: Malorie Likes

    October 14, 2023
    By Means Happy Newsdesk
  • Sex & Love

    Power Bottoms should probably be at the top of your reading list

    March 30, 2023
    By Means Happy Newsdesk

Leave a reply Cancel reply

  • Sex & Love

    Stevie Trixx is here to educate, celebrate, and entertain

  • Sex & Love

    What you need to know before your first erotic massage

  • Features

    4 Important Practices of Personal Hygiene and Health

  • Recent

  • Popular

  • Goals: Ryan Carter and Digger

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    December 1, 2023
  • ManCrush: Colby Keller

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    December 1, 2023
  • ManCrush: Marc McAulay

    By Gareth Johnson
    December 1, 2023
  • ManCrush: Alessio Vega

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    December 1, 2023
  • ManCrush: Yoshi Kawasaki

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    December 1, 2023
  • Can you tell if a guy is gay just by listening to his voice?

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    July 27, 2023
  • Happy Hump Day!

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    September 6, 2023
  • What happens at a gay bathhouse?

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    October 12, 2023
  • Gaydar Spotlight: Christofer Döss – an exhibitionist naturist

    By Gareth Johnson
    October 28, 2023
  • ManCrush: Brian Bonds

    By Means Happy Newsdesk
    October 29, 2023

Gaydar Radio

Find us on Facebook

Means Happy

Powered by

  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contributor Terms
  • Advertising & Partnerships
  • Editorial
  • Features
  • Culture
  • #TakeItOnline
  • Heroes
  • Sex & Love
  • How’s Your Gaydar?
  • Contact us
© Copyright meanshappy
This website uses cookies to improve your user's experience and collect statistics to optimize site functionality. ACCEPT ALL Learn more
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
SAVE & ACCEPT

Sign up now to receive happiness, direct to your inbox

Your email