Dating

How to help out a bi-curious guy

We don't have to put a label on it, but sometimes a dude just needs a helping hand.

Means Happy

23 Sep 2024 — 5 min read

Human sexuality is a fairly complex construct. We’re not here to question anyone’s sexuality or undermine how they identify. There’s plenty of men that have sex with men but don’t identify as gay. That’s cool, whatever works for you.

If you're active on hook-up apps or online dating platforms such as Gaydar, it's likely that you're going to encounter guys that are just dipping their toes into the world of man-on-man action. You could describe them as DL or questioning or any number of other labels, but - for the purposes of this article - we're going to use the term bi-curious.

Why might a 'straight' guy be into having sex with a dude?

There’s lots of reasons or circumstances in which a guy who identifies as straight - or "not gay" - might be open to or turned on by the prospect of a man-on-man encounter.

For some guys, it might be about availability. If you’re a single guy who’s horned-up and wants his cock sucked, knowing that you can find some no-questions-asked action at a local glory-hole may be an easier option than trying to navigate conversations on hetero dating apps.

It might be a case of right place/right time. A gym-bro who is kicking back in the sauna after a heavy workout could be in the right head-space to be open to a helping hand from a guy that appreciates his physique.

If a straight guy is not getting the sex they need from their hetero relationship, they may convince themselves that it’s not cheating if they’re just getting their rocks off with another guy. Gay hook-up culture and cruising opportunities offer no-strings-attached anonymous action. A straight guy can easily find willing holes where they can drop a load with no baggage. That’s not cheating, right?

Some guys just fall into the “curious” category. Maybe they’ve been watching some MMF porn, or perhaps they had some experiences when they were younger and want to revisit that, or maybe they’ve just been wondering what some level of intimacy with another man would feel like.

Ultimately, if a straight guy wants to have sex with you, their motivating factors are their business. You just need to decide whether or not you’re into it.

How to have gay sex with bicurious men

Build a bromance

A bicurious guy who might be open to some man-on-man action may feel more comfortable crossing that line if you’ve already established a level of trust. Bromances can be a beautiful thing – you like each other, you enjoy spending time together, and your emotional intimacy could potentially develop into physical intimacy.

Take it slow

One of the frustrating things about having sex with a bicurious guy is that you really have to let them set the pace. He’s doing some complicated emotional gymnastics to navigate his sexuality – if you try and rush him into anything, you’ll most likely just scare him off and it will be game-over. He’s going to want you to be available but not needy. You’re pretty much going to have to let him make the first move.

Create opportunities

You can help things along by looking for opportunities for the two of you to be alone together. Maybe you workout together, or he comes over to watch a movie, or you go for a run and then back to yours for a shower. This is putting your “available but not needy” strategy into action.

Show him the ropes

He may have already had some man-on-man experience, but chances are that you’ve had a lot more than him. It’s important to let him take the lead on how things unfold but also guide him as to what feels good and what doesn’t push your buttons. Communication is really key – even if it’s the non-verbal kind.

He may have a perception or an expectation of what he’d like to happen, so start there. As he relaxes and becomes more confident, it’s likely that he’ll be open to trying new things.

On the down-low

You might not be in the closet, but he probably is – you need to respect that. He probably won’t want anyone else to know that you’re fucking, he may not even acknowledge you if he sees you on the street. If that doesn’t work for you then you shouldn’t be fucking a bicurious man. Embrace the secrecy and intrigue – sometimes it can be fun to be the bit on the side.