A beginner's guide to dating gay men

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A beginner's guide to dating gay men

There's nothing easy about dating.

Whatever you're into, whatever your sexuality, trying to date can sometimes feel like you're tentatively navigating an emotional minefield - blindfolded.

Obviously, dating isn't an exact science. There's also lots of variables - you've got to find what works for you.

But, if you're looking for some tips on how to date gay men, we'll have a stab at it.

What are you looking for?

This is fairly fundamental and it's something that you need to ask yourself before turning your attention away from the mirror.

You need to be clear as to whether you're looking for a quick hook-up, a regular fuck-buddy, someone to make long-term plans with, or whatever - your objective is going to shape the who, what, how, and when of everything that follows.

For the purposes of this exercise, we're going to assume that you're looking for something a bit more serious than a hook-up. Something that will hopefully lead to some repeat business. Something that will require you to learn each other's names, navigate a sleep-over, and possibly involve one of you cooking breakfast. Let's call this dating.

How do you meet a gay guy that might also be interested in dating you?

Frustratingly, there's no silver-bullet solution to this. You're going to need to use all of the tools you've got at your disposal.

Simplistically, there's three potential scenarios through which you might meet someone to date.

  • Scenario 1 is that you could try dating someone that you already know. Maybe it's one of your fuck-buddies, or a friend, or someone you've met through work, or whatever. You've already met this person and you either need to look at them differently or they need to look at you differently.
  • Scenario 2 is that you are going to try meeting someone new without using a dating app. There's lots of different ways that you can try to do this, but essentially you're going to use your networks and your daily activities to try and connect with guys that you don't yet know. Maybe you'll join a sports club, or do some charity work, or try some business networking - you're going to need to do something that puts you in front of some guys you haven't met yet.
  • Scenario 3 is that you are going to try meeting someone new by using a dating app. Some apps are quite specifically focused on hook-ups or cruising or fetish, so - given that your objective is dating - you need a more general app like Gaydar where you can be clear about what you're looking for.

Should we have sex on the first date?

There's nothing wrong with having sex on the first date.

You might be second-guessing yourself, thinking that having sex straight-up makes it a hook-up without any longer-term dating potential, but there's no point over-thinking it.

If you end up in bed together fairly soon after you've met, that's usually a pretty good sign that at least there's some chemistry between you.

How do you land the second date with a guy that you're interested in?

If you've met someone and had a first date, the next question is whether there's going to be any repeat business. Do you want a second date? Does he?

Let's assume that the first date has gone well and you'd like to see him again. The first thing to do is to let him know.

Don't sit back waiting for him to text, or thinking that it's some kind of power-play to see who messages first. That's a waste of time. Be relaxed and casual about it - send him a quick text to let him know that you had fun and that you'd be up for seeing him again.

What happens if you're keen but he doesn't seem that interested?

Dating is an emotional roller-coaster. More often than not, the guy that you're keen on will have something else going on in his life and probably isn't as interested or available as you'd like him to be.

If he's not responding positively to your suggestions for a second date, it's time to move on. It's okay to feel disappointed, but there's no point getting upset or angry. His loss. Thank you, next.

There's a lot of guys out there, and dating is inevitably a bit of a numbers game. Get out there and get among it.

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