Online dating for bicurious guys: Top Tips
Helpful hints on how to navigate hookup apps.
If you're a guy that's interested in some man-on-man action but you don't necessarily identify as Gay or Queer, the world of online dating and hook-up apps can be a bit of a confusing space.
Despite everyone's best endeavours to be inclusive, bicurious guys tend to get a mixed reception from all sides - never quite fitting in to the neat boxes and identities that we like to imagine define the world around us.
But online dating is arguably the most efficient option available when we're looking to fulfil our need for intimacy.
We asked Gaydar users to share some of their advice for bicurious guys looking to connect with other men on the platform.
Helpful Hints
"Be open but cautious..." advises Van.
- This is sensible advice for anyone using a dating app. On one hand, you do have to be open to opportunities, to trying new things, and you have to be willing to take a bit of a leap of faith and see where it takes you. However you also need to ensure that you're protecting your physical and emotional safety. Keep an eye out for red flags and do not ignore them.
"Feel comfortable enough to express your interests and set your boundaries and not pressured into engaging..." says Craig. "Take your time and explore at your own pace."
"Always be clear about what you are looking for, don't move at someone else's pace..." advises Dan.
"Make clear what your boundaries are and do jot compromise on that..." says Alfredo.
- If you're new to the dating world, or just figuring out what intimacy between men might feel like, setting some boundaries for yourself is an important starting point. Be clear on what your intentions are when you log onto a hook-up app or online dating site. If you're just there to chat, make that clear in your bio or in your initial messages. You're not obliged to do anything - stick to what you feel comfortable with.
"Be upfront and go with your gut..." advises Cole. "Don't let the excitement of trying something take precedence over your judgement. I promise you, there will always be another hot guy down the road."
- Another way of putting this is "don't think with your dick." It's easy to get excited and make choices that you might regret later. But also, don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes things don't quite go to plan - we live and learn.
"Be you..." says Paul.
- This perhaps the most important piece of advice but often the hardest to follow. Don't try and fit yourself into what you think will appeal to guys or what you think someone on a dating app might be into. That can sometimes get uncomfortable when it feels like being your authentic self is a barrier to finding the connections that you're looking for, but - as a wise gay man once said - learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.
How To Date Men: Bisexual Edition
For our podcast, How To Date Men, we caught up with sex and relationship therapist, Nicholas Rose.
For Bisexual Visibility Day, we discuss the challenges that bisexual and bi-curious men might encounter in dating and relationships and explore how counselling and communication can be useful tools when navigating our sexuality and need for intimacy.
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