One of the common questions you encounter when navigating the world of LGBTQ dating is “What are you into?” or the more binary approach of “Top or Bottom?”

But how important is sexual compatibility when it comes dating and relationships? We asked the readers of Means Happy to find out.

107 readers responded to our survey. Here’s what they told us.

Which of these statements most accurately describes your experience:

• I really enjoy receiving anal sex (bottom): 38%
• I really enjoy giving anal sex (top): 18%
• I really enjoy both giving and receiving anal sex (versatile): 28%
• I don’t mind anal sex but I prefer to do other things when having sex: 6%
• I really don’t like anal sex and avoid it when I can or always avoid it: 10%

“I’m versatile, but it depends on my mood and the person I’m having sex with  – sometimes all I want to do is bottom, or I may want to top. I prefer to go with the flow, and prefer partners who do the same. So-called top-only and bottom-only guys make sex boring.” 

“I have tried anal sex several times  – both giving and receiving  – and I know that it’s definitely not for me.” 

“Saying I enjoy anal sex is a huge understatement. I’m considered a power bottom.” 

“I would call myself a relationship bottom  – I enjoy bottoming, but on a hook-up I find it very difficult to, well, let a guy in.” 

Has your preferences regarding anal sex ever had a negative effect on your dating/hook-ups/relationships?

• Yes: 28%
• No: 59%
• Unsure: 13%

“I don’t like it when a guy I meet for the first time asks whether I’m a top or a bottom. First, that’s rude. Second, I’ve yet to meet a guy asking such questions who asks me the third option  – am I versatile? Sometimes I’ll answer the dude’s question but add that I’m not into guys who are only a bottom or a top, no matter how good looking that dude may be or how horny I happen to be.” 

“Some men just don’t understand that another gay man might not be into anal sex. I’ve missed out on a few dates because of this. They just can’t deal with it.” 

How important is sexual compatibility in a gay relationship?

• It’s a deal-breaker: 34%
• It’s important but not a deal-breaker: 58%
• It’s not that important: 8%

“If I found an emotionally compatible but not sexually compatible partner then I’d consider an open relationship.” 

“My husband and I aren’t very sexually compatible and we’re still together after 20 years.” 

Key take-outs

• 10% of respondents don’t really enjoy anal sex and prefer to avoid it if possible.
• 28% of respondents feel that their preferences regarding anal sex have negatively impacted their sexual encounters.
• 34% of respondents report that not being sexually compatible with a prospective partner is a deal-breaker when it comes to dating and relationships.

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