ManCrush: Mexican Poppers
Combining pleasure and performance.
Mexican Poppers is a self-described bator who was recently a guest on the Naked Men Talking podcast.
In the conversation, we talk about learned patterns of masturbation, the thrill of exhibitionism, exploring BDSM, and putting on a performance for your online community.
Mexican Poppers welcome.
Hi. Thank you so much. It's good to be here.
We've got a lot to unpack, but I want to start at the beginning - what was your relationship like with your body when you were growing up? Were you comfortable getting your clothes off in front of people?
It's an interesting story. When I was a kid, I remember driving with my dad in LA. We were driving by the airport and there were all these signs that said nude dancers. And I remember asking like, what does that word mean?
He told me, well, nude places are where there are people dancing naked. In my head, I just imagined a bunch of people dancing naked. As we're driving, he's like, is that some place you would like to go? I said no, I want to dance there.
So I think from a very early age, I had some kind of fascination with that.
As I got older, I found that I enjoyed that side of me.
In my early 20s, and this was back when the internet was new, I had a friend with a website where he posted naked photos of himself - and I was like, can I get in on that? My picture was only up for something like a week and a half and it felt so crazy but I also really liked it.
I just kept finding myself drawn to situations where I would go with friends to the nude beach or friends would have naked parties.
I was just very comfortable.
Too comfortable?
Yeah, exactly.
I think when it comes to nudity, you're more free to talk to people because you know you have at least this in common. There's one less barrier that's in your way if I want to talk to that person over there.
I guess that's kind of the foundation of social naturism, isn't it?
Would you describe yourself as a naturist, or is it more just an enjoy getting naked kind of thing?
Both.
Usually, the first thing I do when I get home is take off my clothes.
To the point that, it's winter here and I'll be wandering around the house with a blanket and my husband's like, put your clothes on and you'll be warmer.
I'm like, I don't want them. That would defeat the purpose.
I have plenty of friends who are also naturists.
That makes it a bit easier, doesn't it?
There’s naked Thanksgiving potlucks and naked Oscar parties. Of course, there are a lot of bars doing naked nights, not to mention the beach in Jersey.
So, there's lots of opportunities to not have clothing and that's particularly because you're in a city like New York.
Because there’s a concentration of guys? But also because you’ve been able to connect with other guys and find that naked guy community?
Yeah, it took time after moving here because I had a bit of that in Los Angeles.
But once I found that here, it became part of the general routine.
And these are not sexual parties. These are just we're hanging out naked and watching movies.
In fact, some of the parties have specific rules - like you'll get kicked out. But that doesn't mean you can't exchange numbers and go somewhere else later.
You've embraced the bator identity? Tell me about your relationship with masturbation.
I mean, I definitely remember the first time and I felt like it took hours, but also that moment at the end, I was like, what the hell just happened?
I was a young teen and I remember just like laying in bed and stroking and listening to music and then suddenly - I wasn't expecting it. Just suddenly, it happened, and I was just like I'm never doing that again.
Then, the next night, I found myself doing it again. And that second time, it didn't take hours.
From there, I was always doing it.
When I was younger, it would be multiple times a day, but now it’s at least once a day and it's just something I enjoy.
I'm interested in the patterns of masturbation - what we learn when we're starting out and growing up. Particularly in your case because you have now taken it to a different extreme with your online activity, which I want to get into. But what sort of patterns of masturbation did you learn in those early stages? Were you always doing it in your bed? Was it a secret? Were you afraid of getting caught?
It was definitely in my bed - after going to bed for the night. I had my own room, so there was never an issue of getting caught there.
I think there was only one moment where I almost got caught. I was watching a video, like a regular movie, and there was a brief moment where some actor had full frontal nudity.
Let me just rewind that!
Yeah, I had it on pause. I was like frame-by-frame.
So, I was laying in bed, jacking off with this film on pause. I don't know why but my dad walked in - he opened the door to tell me something. I had to make the decision - which do I stop doing? Do I unpause the movie so he doesn't see that I have a naked man on my screen, or do I stop jacking off?
What's the worst scenario?
Yeah, damage control.
I guess I was about 15 at the time. I chose to unpause the movie and then tried to cover myself quickly. It was more important to me at that time that he didn’t know that I was into men.
How did you start to discover and explore the online bate culture?
It was just a series of steps. A friend had a Flickr account and introduced me to that.
It started out like, I won't put anything worse than me in my underwear on this account. The more I did it, the more turned on and excited I got, and I progressively started posting more explicit stuff.
It sounds like a bit of an exposure fetish? Was the thrill of exposure one of your motivations?
Definitely.
When Flickr died, then there was Tumblr.
Then, when Tumblr died, I discovered Alt Twitter, and I discovered that a lot of my friends have Alt Twitters.
Then I also discovered BateWorld, and there's a whole community there. I didn't feel as regressive or alone or weird - I realised that there's plenty of other people who like to do this as well.
Could you compare that to your experience of masturbation when you started then, which was very much a solo activity?
It's interesting because both of them are a turn-on - you're having great feels and all of that. But with BateWorld and Alt Twitter it's also that you’re being watched or you're hoping you're being watched.
There's also a sense of intimacy to it, and connection where it's like - somebody is seeing something of me that my regular Twitter followers at least aren't.
Especially when it's like friends - when I see their content, it's kind of like, oh, our friendship's a little different now and that's awesome.
I am so turned on by watching my friends get naked.
I don't know what it is, but if they've got, I want to see it. I want to follow it. I'm going to like every photo.
I would rather see naked content from friends or people I know and care about than from strangers.
There's something intimate and interesting and nice and attractive about that.
What does identifying as a bator mean to you?
For me, it's somebody who enjoys masturbation, who enjoys sex, but doesn't necessarily need another person for it.
I love sex with people but it's kind of nice to have this, like, this is just mine.
It's also kind of fun to do it online - to be talking to other people while it's happening. I get more out of the experience when it's interactive as opposed to just a broadcast.
Getting some real time engagement with people is a form of communal masturbation? Is that how you'd see?
Yeah - it is, just from the comfort of my bed.
I guess there's a sense of control to it too. It's like, oh, if I don't want to, I can just stop and I don't have to worry about how anyone else feels.
You mentioned poppers, and in your Twitter bio you talk about being messy with poppers?
Sloppy.
Sorry, yes - sloppy. What does sloppy with poppers mean?
It’s just kind of disgusting but I love it.
But sexy?
Yeah. Sexy and disgusting.
I like the feeling of letting go that comes with them.
I may start off camming in my underwear and talking to people and stroking through my clothes, but after a couple popper hits, that's when it starts to change.
It loosens me up, psychologically.
Do you remember the first time that you tried Poppers?
Yeah, it was during a hook-up when I was in my 20s. I remember liking it but not enough to pursue it.
Then, a few years back, I went to a jack-off club and someone had some and gave me some and then I went from there. I realised that jacking off with people and having poppers was just wonderful and awesome.
The use of poppers seems particularly strong in the online beta community - is it almost part of the performance where the whole poppers side of things is part of visually representing what you're doing somehow?
In some ways, yeah.
Performance is an interesting word because there's some ways where I feel like it is. One time, I had a friend message after a cam thing and he's like, well, you know how to engage your audience.
And I was like, that's funny because that's the audience word being used as well as performance.
I was interested in how your beta identity and the focus on masturbation and online sessions - how does that influence or shape your real world relationships and your experience of intimacy?
I don't think it's affected too much of it. I think the point of an alt is to have that alternate existence.
So, while there is some crossover with friends, those relationships have been enhanced by it.
I find that I have a deeper connection with people who are into the same sort of stuff. If you can talk sexually about this is what I like and this is what I'm into, and let's do this together kind of thing - for me, that is a different level than someone where I've got to play…
We're just normal people doing normal things?
Yeah, exactly.
Looking back, it was during the pandemic where I really connected with that online bator community and that online intimacy.
That's interesting because in a way that at that time it was the only community and intimacy that you could really get your hands on?
Exactly.
I'm married, but my husband went back to work a year before I did.
There was a full year where I was just here and that's when I really started getting into it more. That's when my Alt Twitter went from, oh, I'm going to post something every couple of months to posting at least once or twice a week.
If someone was feeling a bit inspired by you and wanted to explore getting naked and the online bator community, what advice or guidance would you give them?
I would say definitely go at your own pace.
And find someone out there who is either at the same steps or the same place as you and maybe follow or reach out because obviously they're into the same thing you are.
You don't want to jump in with someone who is at a completely different level. You want someone to guide you that's safe and comfortable and who can also give you those warnings and those encouragements that you need.
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